1 post tagged “nyc”
It's very recently that I've become single, and even more recently that I've decided to toss myself into the realm of Singlehood - that state where you emerge from the ashes of the breakup and become the half-feathered phoenix-chicken of Dating.
This is always a state of confusion for me than anything, considering that my dating MO has consisted of long-distance relationships, primarily started with internet-based friendships.
You'd think that now, because I live in a city that's chock full of people (and hopefully cute, geeky, single ones), that it would be easy to just pull myself up by the bootstraps and walk out the front door to my new life in the dating scene. But it's not. How do you change someone who's used to dealing with people over a text-based medium? Voice chatting? E-mails?
I don't do bars and coffee shops. I live in Staten Island. It's really just not as feasible of a possibility as one might think. Plus, I am sure I have the stink of "socially inept" nerd on me as I shield myself from the sun and play yet another hour of World of Warcraft.
So what does someone like me do?
Hit up social networking sites so as to meet city people who are also online. That way I know that they are at home rather than trying to find them outside. Seems pretty smart to me, if I do say so myself. Too bad that most of the people also using these sites are nerdy but crazy. (which is probably true for myself.)
I had a meet-up last week with an unfortunate person from OKCupid, and as I reported on my LJ, it left a bad taste in my mouth:
He talks about HIS past relationships, which number two, and are only this year. A late bloomer, no biggie. Um, except that he explains that he was a shut-in and "decided to research in order to jump in with dating girls." I believe that the words "female anatomy books" "vulva" and "sexual techniques" were used. WHOA. Hello here, are you being antisocially pragmatic or are you trying to scare me off here? Did you ever read about how to talk to women?
Anyways, I pass it off, laugh it up, and he goes on to tell me about his exploits (all 2 or 3), which just seemingly come out as awkward and weird and one of his stories ends up being "...and it went pretty well and I ended up fingering her." Now at this point, between him explaining about gaining a foot fetish and comments about "not needing a serious relationship", I just lost it, thinking back to [a fairly infamous forum poster who spoke of something similar]. Of course, our little Don Juan here needs explanation to why I am almost heaving for breath against the side of a brownstone so I explain it to him. He laughs as well, ironically, not realizing that he's just as pathetic sounding.
Yeah.
Sure, it was no "How Not to Act on A J-Date" but it definitely freaked me out from dating from people online.We get up to his apartment (oh wait, NO, his PARENTS, but hey they are on vacation blah blah where have I heard this before) and he does indeed have a really cute pug named Spanky. I am a sucker for dogs. He offers me water and we sit in the dark, which is okay becaus he has AC, it's cold water and it's a hundredfuckingdegrees outside. As soon as I set that glass down for a prolonged pause, and go to look at him to talk, he's pretty much trying to kiss me.
UGH. UGH. UGH. No tongue, but still, KISSING ME. I pull back and go, "Um, no, no no..." and he kisses me again, and I'm REALLY pulling back, going "Um, no. SORRY. Not attracted to you." And he gets this really confused look on his face. "You mean, like, don't want to do this?" "yes." YES DUMBFUCK. >(
He gets this really hurt look and sits back, looking pouty. I go through the song and dance of saying how there's no chemistry, that whole "don't go into something with expectations" and he's hiding being pouty and angry. "This always happens to nice guys like me."
What?!
Yeah. I pretty much tried to be as sweet and gentle as pie because I wanted to get out of there. "Just want to be friends." "Don't feel that chemistry." So we stop the whole talking thing and he takes me downstairs to say goodbye. I still feel kind of bad, he seems like a nice if not pretty inexperienced KID, and I go for a hug. Hey, bygones by bygones right? I know I told him I know how it feels to be rebuffed into the "just be friends" zone. And he pulls back a bit.
"Hugs are kind of a tease, aren't they?"
I hug him forcefully and ask for directions to the 1 train and fucking turn my Ipod on.
I mean, is this the standard? Are the people you meet online, even in your own city, going to be crazy people? I've had luck before but not on OKCupid, only places where I could actually get to know the person in a non-"wanting a date" scenario. So that kind of cancels out any dating or social site because everyone on there is pretty much vying for the same thing unless they are already dating someone.
The thing that gets me is how inept some of these people are. It's not just like, you go onto these sites and are a little bit lonely - that's me in a nutshell. It's like the people signing up for these services do it because that, to them, seems like the perfect place to unleash their campaign of poorly written private messages or instant messages on women who they think "r cute" and "wuld want have sex." What's worse is they think it will work. I think dating sites potentially breed the delusional, and because they are online, the ridiculously socially backwards. How could anyone with two brain cells to rub together think that assaulting a woman about how pretty her mouth is and in poorly-written English how they should get together with her think that she's going to roll over and have sex with them? Seriously now. All she's going to think is that she's annoyed or alternately (and this has crossed my mind), be kidnapped to some bondage lair to be gibbered at in broken Internet English ("lol") and turned into a lampshade.
So, my thoughts are this: If you are a geek or even a normal person in a city, it's like being a very sad lion. You are one great awkward beast in a sea of hyper-smart, super-fast zebras. Sure, the numbers are there, but you are never going to catch one, and the ones you do are the ones that the herd are trying to cull for genetic purposes.
So all the sad lions go home and continue checking message boards, alone, and playing World of Warcraft.
Someone needs to invent a filter for the crazy online. All I want is a single, attractive, intelligent person to hang out with and have fun with who lives nearby, if possible. I know there's some other saddish lion out there. Too bad we're all too scared to venture back outside, for fear of some retarded zebra breaking into our house to assault us and drool.
